Month: January 2018

New Year… Now What?

I don’t know about you, but for me 2017 would be accurately described as the worst year of my life. My boyfriend was pretty much jobless through all of it so I was always broke, my heart was repeatedly broken, friends were lost and so was my sanity. In the world people were being killed, rights were being taken away, everyone seemed to be at war with each other over things that shouldn’t even really be happening. The list of bad things is endless. I spent most of the year wondering when it would all stop. When the world would slow down and let me catch up. Give me a moment to breathe. Let me collect myself. Get my head on righty. Let me figure out what’s going on and how to make it right again. And of course that didn’t happen they were wh I wanted it to, so I settled for the second best thing. I tried to wing it in hopes that me doing the best I could would mean that I was doing the right thing. In some cases it worked… in a lot it didn’t. There are still some things that have yet to be determined, and that’s okay. That was yesterday.

Today, I am here. In an apartment that isn’t yet home but it’s a roof separating me from the frigid winter weather. I’m drinking a hot cup of tea beside a human I love and two cats we share. I have a job and a half, a car that gets me from point a to point b. I have a heart that is still beating.

I’m not going to pretend like all of my problems disappeared at the stroke of midnight. I’m not where I want to be, who I want to be, or doing what I want to do. I’m still under development, but I’m definitely not who I was this time last year. 2017 changed me. I drank my body to near death so many times that I’m no longer an alcoholic just because the smell of liquor makes my stomach boil. I spent so much time being broke that the idea of treating myself changed from buying makeup or clothes to buying groceries and gas which is one of the things that put me in a better financial situation.

I’m coming into 2018 exhausted, emotionally drained, and absolutely riddled with depression and stress, but I’m here and that is an accomplishment. It’s an accomplishment for us all. We all deserve “I Survived” t-shirts. The world is still falling to pieces around us, but we’re alive in the rubble and if we try hard enough we could probably put a lot of our collective broken pieces back together. I know I’ll be doing my best. I’ll be working my ass off to pay off my debts, better myself and those around me, and taking the time to be around those who are dear to me. Those are my goals for 2018. It won’t be easy at all, but I have to do something. I can’t let myself drag along like I did last year or I will get nowhere. I hope that 2018 is a year of improvement, happiness, and success for us all. May it be better to us than 2017 was.

Happy New Year.